THE POST I recently wrote about my friend Sheila Bean's hilarious internet dating exploits with KKKKen made it to the front page of 'Smart Dating' magazine!
Many, many of you asked for more details of her shenanigans and her views on dating at 50 + + .
Here, Sheila tells us what happens when she hasn't heard from Ken for a while....
Have I been dumped by KKKKen?
I have been out for a further evening with him, this time just for a drink.
It consisted of the usual really, talk about fish, fishing and his ex wives.
Being a glutton for punishment (and me wanting to be out more desperately than I wanted to be in) we arrange another meeting. The day before it, I receive a message from Ken saying he isn’t well. Problems with his teeth. I'm glad to know they are all his own. Also, he may have a touch of flu. He wishes to cancel.
No problem, but beware of multiple excuses, in my experience, - they're usually all untrue.
When you get to my age you have been lied too more times than you care to remember. Men eh!
I am used to KKKKen (internet) messaging me at least twice a day. So when I don’t hear from him for a week, I start to feel something may be wrong.
Message to Ken, “Are you O.K? Can I help?” See, I’m all heart.
Wait another week, then message Ken again. “If you have found someone more suitable, just let me know.”
Then, a message from KKKKen.“Sorry I haven’t been in touch, I have been seeing someone else, but it didn’t work out”. He gave that a real try. It’s only been 3 weeks.
Was I dumped? I'm not that bothered really. Think I have learnt all I can about fish.
Didn't let the grass grow under my feet - have been messaging Mike for a week or two. And he has messaged me back, I’m not a stalker.
He suggests meeting for a coffee. Problem is, he lives about 30 miles away.
Mike insists that he is willing to drive and meet me somewhere local. “I’ve got a 'stat-nav.' Just give me the post code”
We arrange to meet at a Costa on Saturday morning at 10am. This is a bit early for me but as he is kind enough to drive to me, I agree.
10am and I arrive, get a latte and sit down so I am visible from the door way.
10.30am comes and goes. So do I. Quick walk around shops, then lunch at my (ex) mother-in-laws.
I arrive home expecting to see a message from Mike.
I wait until 5pm and, wondering what’s going on, I message Mike.
Now I’m not saying men lie, but I do believe they say what they think we (women) want to hear.
Here is how the messaged conversation went with Mike and what I think he really meant.
Me to Mike - What Costa Coffee were you waiting in?
Mike to Me - Got there at 11am and you weren’t there. I didn’t have your
mobile so couldn’t call you.
(means- couldn’t be bothered to get up and wouldn’t have called
Me to Mike - Why so late?
Mike to Me - There was an accident on the M25 and I was a witness.
(means – if she believes that, she’ll believe anything)
Me to Mike - So, when were you going to send me an apology?
Mike to Me - Had a problem with my inter-net.
(means – For God’s sake woman, I’m watching the football).
Mike to Me - Perhaps we could arrange another day.
(means – if she’s that gullible may be worth meeting her)
Me to Mike - Maybe (means – In your dreams Mr. No Show)
After Ken’s brief and unsuccessful dalliance, we are back on and arrange to meet at a local restaurant, chosen by me. He has given up trying to suggest somewhere cheap.
As I arrive and get out of my car, I can hear panting. It’s KKKKen. He must have been waiting for me. He rushes over and thrusts something wrapped in cellophane into my hand. Half afraid to look, I see it’s a bunch of carnations and wilting roses.
''These are for you.”
''How kind, I’ll put them in my car”. I put my present in. ASDA! How nice. At least he took the price off.
We enter the restaurant and are shown to our table. I order a V & T and mouth to the waiter, ‘Large.’ I have given up expecting a glass of wine with my dinner.
Evening starts well after a lengthy debate as to whether to have a starter. We decide, yes. We order our main course. Ken requests the cheapest thing on the menu, so hopefully he intends to pay.
I must have a sympathetic face as Ken begins to tell me about his childhood. Seems he has a twin sister, “How lovely.” Not really, as they never got on. He also had an elder brother. Again “How nice.” Not really, they didn’t get on either. “I was very slow as a child, and didn’t talk until I was 2 years old.” Making up for it now, eh Ken?
To cut a long story short, and, believe me, it was long. He didn’t get on with his parents either and has been estranged from his whole family for years.
To open your heart to someone you have only known for a couple of months, isn’t a great idea. He could have saved himself time, embarrassment, and a lot of heart searching, if he had had ‘Loser’ tattooed on his forehead.
The remainder of the evening was somewhat subdued.
When it was over, we make our way to the car park, Ken is allowed a quick hug and to kiss me on the cheek. The hug seems to go on for longer than allowed. I think this was due to the Velcro on his anorak sticking to my cashmere jumper.
Think this is the end for KKKKen. Can't have a man becoming too attached (get it?).
Good bye. In the end, it wasn't just a Fish called Wanda, it was just Fish!