Precious.

Image from Joy of Dad.

I've had a post in my head for a while, meaning to thank all my loyal commenters.  I think you're all amazing and I appreciate every single one of you every single time that you take the time to tell me your thoughts on something I've written, when you support me at times things are extra tough and especially when you pitch up to take the mickey out of me even more than I do it myself!  Thank you all.

Thank you, too, to those of you who loyally read and make comment elsewhere or don't even comment at all.  For every 100 readers down I might be compared to other bloggers, I have another fabulous follower like you who's really there and really cares and I appreciate you more than you might imagine too.

I try to keep up with you all, I really do.  I love to catch up with all your posts when I'm over at yours - I don't just return for the sake of it.  I'm not around as much with two lovely students who *shock* actually want to be part of the family lately (read make as many demands as my own two kids do!) and as the children get older, there is less free time full stop.  (Now THAT was a really weird experience - typing out the words FULL STOP rather than just doing one!).

I'm sorry it's taken until today to say what I've been meaning to say for a while.  It hasn't escaped my notice that you even seem to be understanding as well as still supportive of any collaborative posts I write, despite the balance not really being what it ideally should be vs. personal posts.  I know that you know I still write from the heart and keep things real and that I do my best despite very trying circumstances.

I do not feel judged here, which is what blogging is supposed to be - a safe space.  We can only do what we can do.  I am regretful that things have changed since I got concussed and other things have cropped up - stuff that is entirely related to being a single parent - and that it often gets in the way.   If I were to write about my daily life in a way that others do, you would have endured lots of moaning about how overwhelmed I am most of the time, how hard it is to co-parent with a shitty ex, what a disappointment I felt Caitlin Moran's Raised by Wolves sit com (based on a single parent in Wolverhampton) was and you would have naffed off.  Instead, because you are precious, less is more, at times like this people, methinks!

Plus, what I love most - especially about you, my lovely lot - is that it is a mighty relief to go over to your blogs and not find that I've missed a zillion posts and have to trawl through them to catch up.  As our blogs grow, more commitments come and keeping up with our friends must remain a pleasure, not a chore.  And friends, some of you have become.  Thank you for your friendship too.

You have made a lonely time less so.  Your belief in me has helped me believe in me.  You make a difference.

Thank you as well to those of you who nominated me and got Older Single Mum shortlisted in this year's Brilliance in Blogging Awards in the Best Writer category, I am very, very touched.  But you are the brilliant ones - my loyal, lovely, amazing followers.  And I include you, my real life, non blogging ones too. Thank you for always being there.  You rock.

Anya XX

What Would You Be Doing?

Why is it empty? Two reasons...

Very recently, a good friend asked me if I ever give any thought to what I would be doing, if the children had never come along.
To be honest, I never have.

But for the purposes of research, you understand, I did so.

Firstly it felt incredibly disloyal to entertain the notion.  Secondly, I knew, within an instant, I would be a Travel Journalist - or certainly would have put my efforts in that direction.  I don't know where that came from, because I'm not exactly trained, yet my love of travel has sustained me through my life.  When all things have been crap, a new country will suffice, thank you, to escape - in all possible ways, the woes of existence that we all meet sometimes.

Yes, in a heartbeat, there was the answer and it was as though an ache had been uncovered.

She had nothing wise to say herself, just that she'd be down the pub more and fatter for that!  The fact this friend even posed the question was more surprisng.  We both feel lucky to have our children at all - they came in our forties - hers through IVF, mine, as you know, with my Shitty Ex.

I asked a couple of other friends and they felt they would have continued in their happily established and fulfilling existing careers (catering and Nursery Nursing).  They also got the same sort of whistful look about them that had crept up on me, followed, of course, immediately by mother's guilt!

The only man I asked, just said he'd be far better off financially.  Wouldn't we all, mate?

None of us would be without our little ones, even for a moment, to even explore what we had uncovered, but it just shows how much of us we lose of ourselves, once we become parents.  Surely, it's never too late though?

What do you think?  What would you be doing?