How the Changes Being Made to Legal Aid May Affect You.

I was a bit worried about the new cutbacks to legal aid being made. I certainly could not have divorced my arrogant twerp of a husband without it, so I asked a firm of Solicitors to spell them out and this is what they said.  It is pleasing to report they're not nearly as bad as many fear for women (and some men, also, not forgetting) who desperately want to get out of a situation that is unhealthy for them, especially where there are children involved.  Although my husband never hit me - he bullied me mentally and emotionally.  All in all, he is a very cruel man and legal aid proved to be a lifeline for me:

For when this isn't enough!

Divorce rates have been falling over recent years but they’re still common.

Separation is a big step and one not to take lightly and many are put off by

potentially harming the kids and worry of not being able to afford legal fees. If the

latter is the case then it is only going to get more difficult. The legislation that is set

to pass will see legal aid cut for many who need it.  This will make 

finding the right divorce solicitors even more imperative than

before. With the already sky-high costs set to increase, the importance of using the

right firm and considering your options has never been more important. 

Earlier this month the government announced that, in an effort to cut £2 billion
in annual legal fees, it will slash the number of cases in which people can claim
legal aid. With many mums out of work during the early years to take care of their
children, it is common to feel unable to afford a divorce regardless of whether your
relationship was still savable or weren’t even on speaking terms – something I am
sure many separated women can relate to! As such, your spouse might not want or
be able to pay the entire divorce fee himself. Being able to seek legal aid has been a lifeline for many women, funding solicitors to help work through the proceedings, meaning that there isn’t as much financial struggle. It seems now though, that other women will not be in such a
fortunate position.

From April of this year, the government will make changes to the Legal Aid,
Sentencing and Punishment of Offenders Act, removing legal aid funding from some
types of cases. This includes private family law, including divorce and custody battles
and could be a nightmare for any women in this position. Women will have to pay
privately for legal aid and advice, which could leave some – especially those with
children to support – in a tricky position.

However, the news is not all bad. Those women who are seeking to escape
from harmful marriages will still be able to claim legal aid, as it will continue to be
available for family law cases which include domestic violence and forced marriage.
Hopefully you are not in this position and found a breakdown due to arguments
and lack of co-operation. It is likely that domestic abuse cases, such as emotional
blackmail or mental bullying will be allowed certain legal aid after the Ministry
of Justice said: “We have laid an amendment to the legal aid bill which will put it
beyond doubt that those who have suffered physical, psychological or financial
domestic abuse will continue to receive a legal aid to help them to resolve any
separation disputes over property or child contact." Women who are in this needn’t
despair. Although many have relied on legal aid for help, the top solicitor firms offer
dispute resolution guidance to help improve relationships – meaning that husbands
may be more likely to foot the divorce bill!  And remember, many firms also offer extensive free legal advice.

So Glad Am Outta There!

'I wish not to harp on about this book, 'Why Does He Do That?', (re previous post) so won't, however it is important that those who find themselves in a relationship that is disrespectful come to appreciate what a crucial problem it can be, or is.  

We all find ourselves in one from time to time - with work colleagues, family members, lovers or friends - where we feel DEVALUED.  Sometimes we find the ability to stand up for ourselves, yet, depending on who we are, our upbringing, our culture, our current state of mind, we really don't and life can be miserable as a result.  Our self-esteem is eroded, our strength evaporates and we are just plain worn out.

In extreme cases, insults and certain forms of intimidation - looks or glares and sneers plus much worse, this is considered abuse.  Mental cruelty is common.  The perpetrator attempting to justify it, playing victim and distorting or twisting events is just par for the course in these relationships, at work or home or 'play.'

In Natural Medicine circles, or Spiritual ones, they say we attract what we need to heal.  My Shitty Ex-Husband was a perfect gift looked at in that light.  He isolated me to a degree that no-one would expect of a bright, successful person, cleverly lured me in to his dramas and warped my mind, sucking up my life like a vaccuum cleaner to meet his own ends.  He was selfish and destructive, while making me feel sorry for him and I still don't get how it all occurred.

There are women (and men) who live with a Jekyll and Hyde character and are too ashamed to say so.  They are scared and confused, depressed and anxious, yet everyone they know feels sympathy too for the other person in the frame.  It is a complex situation.

'Why Does He Do That?' covers all these things in general.  I have only had a peruse, not wishing to drag up stuff that, previous to reading it, could happily (naively and wrongly) have been deemed to be OVER.  It made an uncomfortable time looking through, but I feel it could be of help to those who know they deserve better, but don't know what to do.  Good Luck!

Many of us will come out the other side.  Having children gives you the wherewithal for backbone you never before knew existed and you may find out who you really can be - see 'Is Life Like a Sat. Nav. Drive?' - an essential a thing as you'll ever do!


Emotional Abuse

Refuge Charity

'Why does he do that?'

I have just heard of a book said to get inside the minds of angry and controlling men.  (For this you can also read 'disrespecting, insulting, devaluing or intimidating' ones). It is called 'Why does he do that?' and seems right up my street.  Having come so far down it though, it's not going to make an easy tackle, because it's tough to look back at how awful things used to be with Shitty Ex-Husband.  However, it is necessary to explore - it having been highly recommended - what advice it might offer with regard to his 'Contact' with the children.

Already, it has to be supervised and he resists, obviously, but strategies for his (endless) arguments and manipulative ways can only be a bonus.  It is very wearing being with someone - even when you're no longer 'with them' - who is seemingly demented.  So often.  And perfectly charming when they fancy.  It is confusing and frightening as well as heartbreaking and who wants to inflict that on their children?

I spent so many years crying, trying to fix our marriage / avoiding it altogether - and for why is something I might never be able to fathom - unless the book provides some answers - but it is impossible to deprive Robson and Aiden of their father altogether. He rings regularly (unless I've asked him for some long overdue maintenance(!) - see 'The Well is Dry')  and every few weeks I accompany a friend and sort of keep my distance while she takes my boys to play in the park with him.  They don't seem like 'ours.'  He has been gone nearly three years, since I was pregnant.

So it will be my mission for the next few days and I will report back shortly.

In the mean time, who knew children could be so happily entertained by watching mum clean her teeth and made quite so joyful by her actually sitting between the child seats in the back of the car while someone else drives for a change?  The utter delight these things have brought my boys has been a sharp lesson.  All they need is love.  And the simplicity of my attention  Do they really need such a Dad?

amazon