25 March 2013

Blood, Snot and Bogies!

The three year old and seven year old have a new game.  I really don't know if it's relevant that they're boys or if little girls would play it in a similar vein.  It would probably start out the same - they all like 'pretend' when you're dossing about spending quality time together, but 'grossing out' their mum certainly seems to add an extra rather large frisson to it for my two:

The 3yo boy:  'I'm going to give you an ice cream.'

Me:  'Mmm.  That's nice.  With a flake on top?'

3yo:   'No.'  He looks around the garden. 'Dirty footballs!'

Me:  'Mmm. That's not so nice, I'm going to give you an ice cream with flowers on top.'

3yo:  Giggles, obviously enjoying the outdoor theme.  It's where we were sitting.  He is thoughtful and sticking with it:  'I'm going to give you an ice cream with worms on top!'

Me, genuinely disgusted to his delight:  'Right then. I'm going to give you an ice cream with birds on top.'

Him:  'I'm going to give you an ice cream with bird poo on top!'

Me:  'I'm going to give you an ice cream with toenail clippings on top.'

Him:   'I'm going to give you an ice cream with blood on top!'

I am aghast, but then the 7 yo wades in, just to demonstrate how way out of our league we are:  'I'm going to give you both an ice cream with a giant's bladder on top!'

The 3yo:   'I'm going to give YOU an ice cream with spit on top.'

The 7yo:   'I'm going to give you an ice cream with dead slugs on top.'

Me:  'Erm, I'm going to give you both an ice cream with love on top?'

3yo:   'I'm going to give you an ice cream with snot and bogies on top.'

Me:  'Um.  How about sprinkles?  Anybody fancy sprinkles on top?'

7yo:  ' 'I'm going to give you an ice cream with the heart of a beaver on top.'

Stunned into silence and awe, we let him win.  We couldn't compete.  What on earth are they teaching kids at school nowadays?

37 comments:

  1. Oh gross - really, really gross (and very funny at the same time). I am now tempted to do an experiment with Little A to see what toppings she comes up with, see if this really is a boy thing. I just asked her - she said chocolate! Must be a boy thing :o). X.

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    1. I reckon there are girls out there who are just as disgusting!

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  2. If I ever come to your seaside don't give me ice cream.

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    1. Perhaps they've done us a favour and put us off for life!

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  3. Revolting and very funny! Reminds me of conversations with my son at around the same age!

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    1. I always dread you saying that they're still the same now they're older and have to read your comments with only one eye open! :)

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  4. Wow....
    Sounds like Roahl Dahl is king in your household.

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    1. Well that makes sense - because he is popular here, but my 7yo couldn't tell me where he'd got those expressions. Thank you. You're off the hook for now then teacher! ;)

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  5. Ewwww I think the bladder did it for me. With the heart a close second! I will probably remember you now everytime I have an Ice cream!

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    1. Ewwww indeed - there was more - like 'Wet tissues' and 'Hair' but I left them off! Think of all the calories you'll save!

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  6. That's funny! They have really amazing imaginations sometimes. Made me laugh x

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  7. I must say, I think heart of a beaver is very original.I'd be very proud of that imagination!

    My 3.5 year old is definitely into the gross stuff too. He was drawing a picture of his father the other day. 'Shall I draw his bogey slots, Mummy?'. That would be nostrils to you and I. Lovely.

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    1. That's hilarious! He can hold his own with my kids any day. :)

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  8. How can anyone give a good come back from'the heart of a beaver' ?!

    Brilliant - Scamp's totally consumed by saying 'pooh' 'wee wee' and 'bum bum' at the moment so I'd take bogies over that any day!

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    1. I know - it's a winner and the poo and wee and bum conversations go right over my head now!

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  9. That's fantastic! I may never eat ice cream again though! x

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  10. Brilliant. Although a frequent conversation in our house is "what's for tea mummy?" with the response from me having to be as gross as possible. So last night we had filled pasta with worms and slime... which always has to be followed by "reeeeally" - oh yes.

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    1. Brilliant also. I often say we have dog poo on toast to stop them moaning about what they've actually got.

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  11. This sounds like a conversation I would have with my three year old. Although ours was about sperm whales! Thank you for sharing that though, I was giggling like a maniac reading it :)

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  12. At least it wasn't before breakfast, or was it? Yuck.

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  13. You've put me right off ice-cream now!

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    1. It's them, not me! They've put me right off ice cream now!

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  14. Brilliant! Was sneakily reading this online at work and just got sprung as snorted so loud! Ah well, it was worth it :)

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    1. That had made my day! Hope you're not in too much trouble! :)

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  15. I really now want to go and read the twits by Roald Dahl

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    1. Is that where he got it from? He claims not to know, but he wouldn't make it up, so am off to satisfy my curiosity, thank you SO much! :)

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  16. I am with Leyla, reminded me of the Twits too! Not so sure I fancy ice-cream anymore now... ;o) xx

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    1. I don't know if I fancy reading it tbh and I've gone right off ice cream myself!

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  17. A giant's bladder? Really? That's impressive. I think both your kids should start writing children's stories... that'll be your pension sorted when they are famous ;o) I'll have love and sprinkles on mine x

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    1. I'm not sure he can take the credit, but that's an idea worth pursuing. So glad I'm not wasted on everyone! ;)

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  18. Ha ha, that made me laugh...what a good imagination :-)

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    1. He's going to love your science stuff!

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  19. Ha ha that has had me chuckling. I'm wondering now what mine would come up with!!

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