25 March 2013

Blood, Snot and Bogies!

The three year old and seven year old have a new game.  I really don't know if it's relevant that they're boys or if little girls would play it in a similar vein.  It would probably start out the same - they all like 'pretend' when you're dossing about spending quality time together, but 'grossing out' their mum certainly seems to add an extra rather large frisson to it for my two:

The 3yo boy:  'I'm going to give you an ice cream.'

Me:  'Mmm.  That's nice.  With a flake on top?'

3yo:   'No.'  He looks around the garden. 'Dirty footballs!'

Me:  'Mmm. That's not so nice, I'm going to give you an ice cream with flowers on top.'

3yo:  Giggles, obviously enjoying the outdoor theme.  It's where we were sitting.  He is thoughtful and sticking with it:  'I'm going to give you an ice cream with worms on top!'

Me, genuinely disgusted to his delight:  'Right then. I'm going to give you an ice cream with birds on top.'

Him:  'I'm going to give you an ice cream with bird poo on top!'

Me:  'I'm going to give you an ice cream with toenail clippings on top.'

Him:   'I'm going to give you an ice cream with blood on top!'

I am aghast, but then the 7 yo wades in, just to demonstrate how way out of our league we are:  'I'm going to give you both an ice cream with a giant's bladder on top!'

The 3yo:   'I'm going to give YOU an ice cream with spit on top.'

The 7yo:   'I'm going to give you an ice cream with dead slugs on top.'

Me:  'Erm, I'm going to give you both an ice cream with love on top?'

3yo:   'I'm going to give you an ice cream with snot and bogies on top.'

Me:  'Um.  How about sprinkles?  Anybody fancy sprinkles on top?'

7yo:  ' 'I'm going to give you an ice cream with the heart of a beaver on top.'

Stunned into silence and awe, we let him win.  We couldn't compete.  What on earth are they teaching kids at school nowadays?
Posted by at
Labels: , , ,

37 comments:

  1. Older Mum25 March 2013 at 15:51

    Oh gross - really, really gross (and very funny at the same time). I am now tempted to do an experiment with Little A to see what toppings she comes up with, see if this really is a boy thing. I just asked her - she said chocolate! Must be a boy thing :o). X.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum25 March 2013 at 16:23

      I reckon there are girls out there who are just as disgusting!

      Delete
  2. Adventures of a Middle-aged Matron25 March 2013 at 16:08

    If I ever come to your seaside don't give me ice cream.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum25 March 2013 at 16:22

      Perhaps they've done us a favour and put us off for life!

      Delete
  3. Curry Queen25 March 2013 at 17:59

    Revolting and very funny! Reminds me of conversations with my son at around the same age!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum25 March 2013 at 18:36

      I always dread you saying that they're still the same now they're older and have to read your comments with only one eye open! :)

      Delete
  4. Claire Toplis25 March 2013 at 20:47

    Wow....
    Sounds like Roahl Dahl is king in your household.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum25 March 2013 at 21:35

      Well that makes sense - because he is popular here, but my 7yo couldn't tell me where he'd got those expressions. Thank you. You're off the hook for now then teacher! ;)

      Delete
  5. Unknown25 March 2013 at 21:01

    Ewwww I think the bladder did it for me. With the heart a close second! I will probably remember you now everytime I have an Ice cream!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum25 March 2013 at 21:39

      Ewwww indeed - there was more - like 'Wet tissues' and 'Hair' but I left them off! Think of all the calories you'll save!

      Delete
  6. Anonymous26 March 2013 at 09:17

    That's funny! They have really amazing imaginations sometimes. Made me laugh x

    ReplyDelete
  7. Mummy Plum26 March 2013 at 10:03

    I must say, I think heart of a beaver is very original.I'd be very proud of that imagination!

    My 3.5 year old is definitely into the gross stuff too. He was drawing a picture of his father the other day. 'Shall I draw his bogey slots, Mummy?'. That would be nostrils to you and I. Lovely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum26 March 2013 at 13:52

      That's hilarious! He can hold his own with my kids any day. :)

      Delete
  8. Mammasaurus26 March 2013 at 10:23

    How can anyone give a good come back from'the heart of a beaver' ?!

    Brilliant - Scamp's totally consumed by saying 'pooh' 'wee wee' and 'bum bum' at the moment so I'd take bogies over that any day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum26 March 2013 at 13:53

      I know - it's a winner and the poo and wee and bum conversations go right over my head now!

      Delete
  9. Unknown26 March 2013 at 10:25

    That's fantastic! I may never eat ice cream again though! x

    ReplyDelete
  10. Jenny (@cheetahsinshoes)26 March 2013 at 11:03

    Brilliant. Although a frequent conversation in our house is "what's for tea mummy?" with the response from me having to be as gross as possible. So last night we had filled pasta with worms and slime... which always has to be followed by "reeeeally" - oh yes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum26 March 2013 at 13:53

      Brilliant also. I often say we have dog poo on toast to stop them moaning about what they've actually got.

      Delete
  11. Stacey26 March 2013 at 11:03

    This sounds like a conversation I would have with my three year old. Although ours was about sperm whales! Thank you for sharing that though, I was giggling like a maniac reading it :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. AlwaysARedhead26 March 2013 at 11:29

    At least it wasn't before breakfast, or was it? Yuck.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Jay28 March 2013 at 11:46

    You've put me right off ice-cream now!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum28 March 2013 at 21:07

      It's them, not me! They've put me right off ice cream now!

      Delete
  14. Mum of One28 March 2013 at 17:28

    Brilliant! Was sneakily reading this online at work and just got sprung as snorted so loud! Ah well, it was worth it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum28 March 2013 at 21:07

      That had made my day! Hope you're not in too much trouble! :)

      Delete
  15. Leyla [Thisdayilove]28 March 2013 at 22:04

    I really now want to go and read the twits by Roald Dahl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum29 March 2013 at 23:40

      Is that where he got it from? He claims not to know, but he wouldn't make it up, so am off to satisfy my curiosity, thank you SO much! :)

      Delete
  16. Funky Wellies31 March 2013 at 13:52

    I am with Leyla, reminded me of the Twits too! Not so sure I fancy ice-cream anymore now... ;o) xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum1 April 2013 at 17:33

      I don't know if I fancy reading it tbh and I've gone right off ice cream myself!

      Delete
  17. Lorraine (Gin & Cornflakes)1 April 2013 at 10:40

    A giant's bladder? Really? That's impressive. I think both your kids should start writing children's stories... that'll be your pension sorted when they are famous ;o) I'll have love and sprinkles on mine x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older Single Mum1 April 2013 at 17:34

      I'm not sure he can take the credit, but that's an idea worth pursuing. So glad I'm not wasted on everyone! ;)

      Delete
  18. Emma @sciencesparks2 April 2013 at 19:51

    Ha ha, that made me laugh...what a good imagination :-)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous4 April 2013 at 18:28

    Ha ha that has had me chuckling. I'm wondering now what mine would come up with!!

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)