31 December 2015

To Single Parents Everywhere.

For some of you, this will have been your first festivities as a lone parent and it's undoubtedly tough.

I want you to know that, no matter what, things will be different this time next year.  You'll never, ever have to go through the first time again, your children will be older and a lot of water will have passed under many a bridge by the time another New Year's Eve comes around.

You will be braver, stronger and more at peace than you can ever imagine, even though things might not be perfect.  No-one's got it perfect, even if they look like they have and it's important to remember that.

No matter which way your life goes - and it may not stray too far from where you're presently at - if your kids are happy and healthy then you're doing a great job and have much to be proud of.

This time will go quickly and it will be special, just you and them.  Your friends might be out partying while you're stuck at home 'baby'sitting, but you get used to it and, frankly, you need all the rest you can get, so it's not necessarily a bad thing.

My boys, now 10 1/2 and 6 1/2.
These two munchkins came back from a short stay at their father's yesterday.  Gosh, it was a wrench to let them go, but it was awfully nice not to have to get up early for just a couple of mornings too.  I stayed up late watching The Holiday, The Shawshank Redemption (remember its message about always gotta have hope?) and even Erin Brockovich.  Now there's a feisty and inspiring single mother if ever there were one.

And here's another little message some of us more seasoned ones received kind of from arguably the most famously successful single parent ever -

I don't want to stay a single parent for ever and I'm sure you don't, but it's necessary to have breathing space before moving on.  Kid yourself not that the fall-out from your ex-relationship won't affect a new one.  It needs to be well dead in the water before you can begin again.

And I don't mean any offence to those who have lost partners.  That's a whole other grieving process for which you have my sincere condolences and hearfelt hope for healing.

Lots of lone parents don't want to move on and meet anyone else, even if only for a while.  That's mostly women.  We pick up the pieces of so many emotions for so many people you wouldn't believe it unless you'd experienced it first hand.

Friends and family are affected by any split or divorce and the changes that can occur there can be just as painful as those between partners and the effects on the children.

So cut yourselves some slack.  Enjoy yourselves as far as possible and please stay postive as you see in 2016.

Happy New Year to my single parent friends, new and old and to you, my lovely, mainly happily married readers.  Thank you for your company these last few years.  I hope we can spend many more together and I really look forward to seeing how far we've all come when we're toasting 2017!

Chin Chin and Lots of Love,

Anya XX

10 comments:

  1. What a great post.
    I am not sure if it is because I have been a single parent but I have only been out on New Years Eve once - and I made my husband take me home before midnight because I could't bear to let the New Year in without my kids.
    Happy New Year to you and your family xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Joy and a Happy New year to you and your family too. I completely understand you wanting to be at home with your kids. Mine were in bed and I didn't intend to stay up, but I just wanted to let others know they're not alone. Thank you for your support, as always xx

      Delete
  2. My 1st christmas and new year as a parent and as a single parent but it wasnt too bad. I thinkt his time of year if your single you feel as if your left out but it could be far worse. I have my son that is what made christmas and new year for me. Have a great 2016 x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad you have enjoyed your christmas and new year as both a parent and as a single one. You sound very postive and I wish you all the very best for 2016 too :) xx

      Delete
  3. I need to pass this on to someone who has just been through their first Christmas as a single parent. JK Rowling is an inspiration and so are you. Hope you and the boys had a great time and can't wait to catch up again in 2016 x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Penny. I hope it reaches those who need to hear some encouragement and praise. JK Rowling has written some very interesting pieces about her time and expectations as a single parent and is an awesome leader of Gingerbread. Thank you for your kind words xxx

      Delete
  4. Hi Anya, happy new year to you too. This was my first Christmas as a single mum and I also spent Christmas Day without my son. My family were amazingly supportive (as always) and we pretended that Boxing Day when my son was with me, was actually Xmas day. Dropping him at his dad's on Xmas Eve was a special kind of torture and my ex's family's reception when I collected my son on Boxing Day was predictably glacial. But, as you say, I have done it now, I have also survived 2015 which was a monumentally shit year. Looking back now though, I am in a much better place now than I was a year ago and that can only be good for both me and my son. Although 2015 was hard, good came out of it and I am proud of my bravery and resilience. 2016 is going to be great, and at the end of it I will get to spend Xmas day (25th Dec this time) with my son. What can be better than that? All the best for 2016. I'll be reading.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hiya. Thanks so much for commenting. I'm so glad you got through it with amazing support and did things your own way. These things are as big a deal as we make them and the other family thing is always shit. I sincerely wish you the very best for 2016 and we'll celebrate next year when the time comes together xx

      Delete
  5. This is a gorgeous, hopeful and heartfelt post - you've been there, you know the deal. Your amazing and a wonderful inspiration to others. X

    ReplyDelete