When Worlds Collide - Jeremey Vine, #Strictly and Me.

Sometimes I dream I am dancing a Waltz.

It's something I learned as a young girl and the 'conscious co-operation' that Robert Holden talks about in his book 'Happiness Now' is something that never leaves you. It is a delight and it is something that my soul misses, even all these years later.

My sister, some special friends and I used to trek up to the local Bill and Ann Legge School of Ballroom and Latin American Dance a good few times a week and, to the disconcertation of our parents, we were all always thrashing out Jives to Abba's Waterloo in our living rooms, Quicksteps in the kitchens and Sambas, Rumbas and Cha Cha Chas wherever we could get away with them.  None of us ever got to grips with the Tango or a Foxtrot, but we could follow anyone who could lead us and even though none of us competed, we all managed to get to a few medals of attainment.

My dancing certificates still proudly kept in a safe place!

One by one, as the older girls amongst us went on to senior school, homework sadly took its place.

However, just before we'd all left, the best boy in our class (and there were remarkably few) would ask me to Waltz with him.  He and his partner were very ambitious with their dancing and had loads of private lessons.  Bearing in mind how young we all were, the rest of us didn't really appreciate them forever showing off their skillz, but for that particular dance, he would often choose to whizz me around the studio floor instead of her and despite it being a struggle to keep up, it was worth it, because, for that short time, perhaps once a week, I would feel like a Dancing Queen!

Then he'd dump me again, obvs. 

But my he's not the man in my dreams.  That's someone who is not always recognizable.  Once it was a man I used to know and with whom there's never been any romantic involvement.  It's nearly twenty years since we've had any contact and we never discussed dancing, so it's an odd thing (although he is very George Clooney like so my subconscious is clearly switched on!) and yet, still, the magical memories come back.          

Nowadays, I must settle for having introduced the children to Strictly Come Dancing and we Waltz around at home really rather badly, but it's fun. 

Which brings me to another part of my life that's decidedly in the present.  You may remember me recently revealing a quite longstanding but confidential crush on Jeremy Vine, the lunch-time presenter on Radio 2. Although I was a bit miffed when he took over from Jimmy Young yonks ago, he quickly won me round with his wit and amazing devil's advocate during debates on his show.  He clearly loves his music and I admire a clever man, so he has honestly been very good company while I've been a Stay-at-Home mum and it's a joy to be able to continue listening to the station since starting my new job.    

But can you imagine how startling it was when these two secret worlds of mine recently collided?  Once the news was released about Jeremy Vine joining this season's Strictly as one of their celebrity contenstants, I went into a panic, fearing my fairly harmless feelings were going to lurch quite seriously in one direction or another! 

I needn't have worried though.  It turns out he's really very gangly - to the extent Craig Revel Horwood, the harshest of the judges, said it was like a lotto for where his limbs would land last week and, another one, Bruno, compared him to being like Woody from Toy Story as he was dressed in a cowboy outfit!

Admittedly, when the boys and I watched the film in tribute the next day, we found it difficult to disagree, but we have enjoyed watching him do his best nevertheless.

Unfortunately, this week was his last.  He took an enormous amount of flack in characteristically good spirit and was massively popular.  He received a standing ovation from everyone present as he thanked everyone involved and his partner praised his dedication, passion and love of dancing.  His good grace refelected very well on him and he was described as 'An awesome bloke' by Anita, one of his fellow competitors.  

His accidental Woody impersonation, his response to a member of the public missing the point and he has his partner embarking on a Waltz.

But he never stood a chance.

So it comes as some relief that my worlds will no longer collide, causing an inordinate amount of wincing and we can all go back to normal. 

Len has already threatned to pickle his walnuts, Darcey will always give Craig daggers for ever single one of his scores and we will continue to wonder what on earth Claudia Winkleman is going to come out with next!  Her irreverence is making Tess irrelevant.  

And at home, we will be treated to a running commentary from the youngest.  He will make notes of everyone's scores, and recall who gave them what last time.  I will rave about every single exquisite dress and keep saying how they should get rid of the gimmicks and just get on with the dancing.  

The eldest will be inspired.  He will learn to love to Waltz and, all being well, it won't be just in his dreams. 

Who's The Worst Driver You Know?

I was recently asked to write an article about the worst driver I know, but didn't want to offend that particular person and risk ruining our relationship!  Plus, I was mindful of people we know who have experienced hurt as a result of some bad driving and didn't want to make light of it.

The angles discussed reminded me of a survey yonks ago - that much searching has not yet found - which resulted in a majority of the people asked claiming they'd rather be told they had no sense of humour than to be told their driving is bad.

It's obviously a really touchy subject!

The point of the post was to talk about the More Than Telematics Insurance.  This is when a small black box is attached to your car to monitor things such as your speed and your braking to build up a picture of your driving style. This information is then reflected in your insurance premiums and savings of hundreds of pounds can be made.

It is especially aimed at young drivers but, with any luck, it will also be helpfully vital, because I once attended one of those Speed Awareness courses (*blushes*) where they opened with the shocking statistic that speed is the biggest killer of young people worldwide.  (More info in this report HERE).

That kind of figure never leaves you and much searching has not yet found the notes I made that day either, which is a shame because it was enormously interesting.  They also advised, for example, that your laptop or handbag can kill you in a crash should they (or any other large object) fly off the passenger seat and hit you at speed and even a mobile phone can cause a nasty injury.  This is something else I've always remembered so, to this day, all our stuff goes on the floor of the car.

There were lots of people there like me, who took our tests around 30 years ago and many things have changed on the roads since then, including the cars.  It was a very worthwhile cause and it's a better investment of resources - education and re-education - than fiscal fines.  We all came out humbled and I am definitely more cautious now.

So it's not only young drivers who could benefit from being assessed in this way.  It's easy to get into bad habits.  According to them, the average time checking for traffic at a junction before pulling out is under four seconds.  Four seconds!  Which is downright dangerous obviously.  Especially for motorcyclists who won't always get glimpsed in a glance. (You'll find yourself checking how long you take - or don't - now!).

Jeremy Vine
(Image Daily Mail)

And the lovely Jeremy Vine from Radio 2 (someone who I secretly have a crush on) did a feature on his lunchtime programme a while ago saying he was probably going to have to give up his cycling to work because he honestly feels he's risking his life on the roads regarding the ridiculous amount of unthinking driving he encounters.

What he said was startling:  'Every morning when I leave the house, my wife says farewell in the manner of Japanese women who waved off pilot husbands in World War II.'  

He wrote a brilliant article about that HERE - so he's done the bit about some of the worst drivers we know for me and he also, much more recently, held a discussion on his show about how relationships can disintegrate when people with more nerve than I have actually criticize someone else for lacking ability or awareness behind the wheel.  Like I said - very touchy.  Made me hoot though.

Would you rather be told you had no sense of humour (or anything else) than be told your driving is bad?

Who's the worst driver you know?  We won't tell anyone.  Honest ;)

[Disclosure - this is a commissioned post].