26 August 2011

Is Life Like a Sat. Nav. Drive?

Are we guided - spiritually or otherwise - when we go off our course?  I think so.

We all have feelings inside that guide us.  They start of as little messages - or 'intuitions,' even 'inner-tuitions' it could be suggested, like whispers. Then they become louder as we veer further and even vastly off our course.

It is the hardest thing in the world to be true to yourself.  People fear what they don't know and nobody knows how we truly feel.

I agree that our outlook is, or can be, heavily influenced by our upbringing, that we can inherit fears and phobias and attitudes, small or worldly minds and loves and hates, but those little inklings inside, perhaps aspiring to better / different things, our individual loathings and passions that we might be afraid to voice and things that just don't feel right or, indeed, draw us to them, belong to us alone and we should own them.

We have recently returned from Nottingham and it was a pleasure to use a Sat. Nav. for the first time, having borrowed it from a lovely friend who helps with everything now and then and who kept us company for the long journey.  It would be a physical impossibility or plain stupid to attempt to travel with two young children such as mine - and the distractions naturally occurring - without a companion and we used this marvellous tool for the nitty gritty bits around the city itself.

Its gentle and polite corrections amid the duration it took me to learn to pay proper attention were quite touching.  I reckon the nice lady talking could have told me to 'turn around as soon as possible' at any point after age 16, the end of my school days, because my life went all downhill from there.  It was deemed 'not enough' for me to be a Nurse, by other people, yet, inside, there was a yearning they were not able to feel.

So working in a Bank was miserable and a disaster from day one.  Not to mention boring.  It was just not me.  Did I pay attention?  Not really.  Was I brought up to be true to myself?  Was I Heck.

It is a common reality for most of us, to be on the wrong path, to please other people and to be gently guided from within, slowly albeit sometimes, back to ourselves.


Now from the outside, my life looked fabulous.  I ended up earning a fortune, travelling frequently, driving a flash car and generally throwing my weight about among the big shots in London's Financial Markets.  Yes, all very glamorous to those onlookers who had no idea it nearly killed me.

It would come as no surprise, however, years later, to those who knew me better, when I gave it all up and went looking for something more meaningful and eventually discovered my gift as a Spiritual Healer.  This took enormous courage and was very lonely for a long time, but, at least I did it, penned a book about it all (which is still in progress) and, ultimately, found out more about me than anyone else could ever tell me.  It is a form of helping people akin to Nursing, it would not be unreasonable to suppose.

Nowadays it is much more mainstream than I ever could have originally dreamed was possible.  It made me feel more whole, despite the uphill concept and struggles to contend with, not least other peoples' opinions.  It  never ceases to amaze me how differently people treat you when you're dressed in a suit and high heels as opposed to what I wear as an older single mum.  Never. Really.

So.  Is life like a Sat. Nav?  Are we drawn back to who we are supposed to be, to fulfil our potential, to do what we came to do?

Is it mapped out, or 'written?'  Is there a blueprint, like those in spiritual circles believe?  Heaven only knows!

It seems my Nursing days would have been over by now, because my writing work has taken over since having children.  It is not unfeasible or inconceivable that a teaching element would be appropriate on any path  at my time of life.  Would my two lovely boys have come earlier?  And not been subjected to a divorce, if heed had been paid to my gut plan?

We are driven by instinct, when we pay attention.  There is a potent force pulling us in a direction that is right for us.  There are millions of us who put blind faith in a complete stranger's voice, yet, within our soul, indeed, by its very essence, we all possess a mightily more powerful one of our own.