'Mind the Mulberry!'

I am presently in the process of transferring my eldest son - just seven - from a fab but titchy infants school to an all through Primary / Junior one, ready to go into year three come September and am a bit worried about what we might have let ourselves in for.

It's all seems to be directly out of the great Diary of a Mummy Misfit book i.e. posh. 

This was what I heard on a beach near to it recently when some boys were playing nearby with a football and it came hurtling in our / their direction - if you haven't guessed already:

'Hey! Mind the Mulberry!'

Cue screeches of horror from the assembled circle of same colour bleached blonde, suspiciously very tanned ladies, sat in a circle, supposedly relaxing and showing off  chatting as they clutched their enormous handbags to their chests closer than they did any of their kids.

It was no doubt uttered in jest, but, really, purleeze, do you have to?

Yet - here's the thing - some of the conversations overheard around the school gates where we presently hang around leave so much to be desired that they can be earth shattering - swearing at the kids and the taking it up the butt talk - only much less delicately put than that, followed by 'Well you 'ave to let 'em don't ya?'.

Who knows what goes on behind closed doors at the new place - and who cares, to be honest, but - if something is going to coming at you all on full volume - which would you rather you and your children be subjected to?  And what kind of things do you hear?

 A Mulberry - John lewis £895