10 June 2012

Unsophisticated Chaos and Madness.

There are many things people don't warn you about before you become a parent.  These things are like Secrets of State.

Stuff you simply wouldn't believe possible of yourself pre- children:

1)  How many sausages you'll end up eating, mainly because the children love them and you can't be bothered to cook anything different for everybody else.

2) Your tolerance level of Hell adjusts itself daily. Accordingly, it will be you who regularly and insistently drags the others to Indoor Play places, not vice versa.  They'll be sick of them, but there's nowhere else you can just sit on your behind and they can run themselves ragged without you turning a hair.   

3)  You discover that there is such a thing as six O'Clock on a Sunday morning - it's the children's favourite time of the week.  They save their lie-ins for schooldays.  It's a law.

4)  When someone comes hurtling at you with their lips pursed and their eyes crossed for a big fat kiss - as long as it's not the old bloke who mutters to himself round the local shops - you will be the one giggling helplessly and begging 'Again!'

5)  Sometimes, you really do contemplate just walking out of the house, leaving them behind to get on with - by all intents and purposes what seems to be - their business of trying to maim one another. 

6)  The only Champagne breakfasts you're brought nowadays are the 'pretend' ones your son brings you from his toy kitchen.

7)  Doing a jigsaw with your little ones can involve losing the will to live at least three times over.

8)  Despite the assertions of one of my favourite finds and great gift that is the Knackered Mothers' Wine Club blog, no matter how hard you try, there really isn't a glass of wine that feels right with baked beans (see no. 1).

My life has not remained anywhere near as sophisticated as I imagined it might. Has yours?

Those days are gone - in more ways than one!