'No bouncing on the bed! How many times do I have to tell you?'
'Again, it's time to get dressed. Now, come on.'
'Get yourselves dressed.'
'If you don't get dressed now, I'll take you to the shops/ school/ out in your pyjamas.'
'No, you can't have chocolate before breakfast. You know that.'
'Now sit straight at the table. No, don't sit sideways. It twists your stomach.'
'It's what you asked for. Elbows off the table. Eat your breakfast nicely.'
'No. Don't hit your brother. Stop fighting. Be kind to each other. I've had enough already. Please. Stop winding each other up.'
'Crikey. No, you can't watch television, it's time to leave.'
'Hello? You've had all morning to play with your toys / train track / each other. Why choose now when we're trying to get out of the house?'
'Get your shoes on for the millionth time.'
'Why is it such a struggle to ever leave?'
'Which bit of 'get your coat on' didn't you understand?'
'No. I want Radio 2 on. I'm the driver, I'm in charge.'
'No. All they play is that James Arthur.'
'We're home now. That's enough fighting with your brother. He loves you. No, I know it doesn't look like it, but that's his way of showing affection. He wants your attention.'
'Stop annoying one another. 'Because you're really annoying me.'
'That's it. I've had enough. For goodness sake why can't you just play nicely? Loads of children would love half the toys you've got. Shall we give them away?'
'What's with all the noise?'
'No you can't watch television.'
'There's no need to shout. Why do you have to be so loud? STOP SHOUTING!'
'OK. Put the television on and leave each other alone. Leave me alone. I'm
'That's it. Sit to the table properly. No don't kneel. Legs forward. Why do you have to sit like that? I don't care how they let you eat at school. You're not eating like that here.'
'ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE. Be polite. Eat nicely. Yes, you do like it. You always like it. Yes, you can have pudding when you've eaten all your dinner. It's not a race. Yes, fruit first, then pudding. You know the rules.'
'Yes, you do have to do your homework. Yes, I know it's a pain but it's got to be done. No I won't do it for you, but yes, of course, I'll help you. We love problem solving / maths / Literature / English, don't we?' No, you can't watch more television afterwards, you'll get square eyes. No,you can't do it while you eat your dinner. I don't care that no-one else does it, you'll get mummy into trouble if you don't do it. We've spent longer arguing over you not doing it than it takes to actually do it.'
'No, we can't watch a film. It's time for a bath. No, you can't play with your toys / the computer / your brother now. You've had all evening to do that.'
'OK. One of you out of the bath NOW. I don't care which one. Whichever one of you hurt the other one first. Out.'
'No bouncing on the bed!'
Repeat ad infinitum, right? Roll on next week!