But this is what happens to your backside when you're laid up pre and post a knee operation, when you're rendered sat on it, feeling obliged to finish off the vat loads of wine and piles of chocolates from your recent Birthday, before even starting to quaff exactly the same Get Well soon gifts, and then you do.
|It. Is. HUGE.|
'A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips' aren't words that were springing to mind, nor Kate Moss' 'Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels.' Nope. Not one of them.
All I could think was - 'Mmm. Delish.' Much too often, for much too long!
It's seeing the shock register on peoples' faces that tells me things are worse than I feared and filming myself recently for a small Britmums shoot showed me, quite categorically, they have gone far too far, as you can see from the picture. I'm too embarrassed to post the ones of my stomach - all courtesy of the local hairdressers - the first place ventured to on release from my captivity.
As we live by the coast and as the summer approaches, it's de rigueur to be down the beach, appropriately attired so, I for one, am grateful for the return of the cold, cover up weather we're enduring, whilst considering addressing the issue.
Being an older parent, it's important to be responsible and take my health seriously, despite the fact it's been fun to kick back and sit around getting fat. After all, it's only me that makes my kids' rockin' world go round.
And while it miffed me a bit when losing weight before Christmas and no-one mentioned it, this quirkily British refrain exercised while witnessing things going the other way is something utterly appreciated!
But because normal service has been resumed, which means me looking after two children and three foreign language students, the chances of my backside finding a chair this side of Christmas are slim, so let's hope these two things have the sort of effect on each other similar to that of osmosis.
In the meantime I might re-read this article that I wrote for my other blog and take a reminder of someone who didn't do discreet and loved fat-bottomed girls: