4 July 2016

Divorce and a Reduced Credit Rating.

Some of you will know that I used to work in the money markets and might understand why the news of the UKs reduced credit rating as part of its 'Divorce' from the EU will have hit hard, but it didn't take me long to appreciate the irony.  It's no different to a real life one!

So I wrote this: 

brexit,
Image credit: www.independent.co.uk
Oh the perils of Divorce.  No –one tells you what’s coming, how the ramifications will spread farther than you can possibly imagine and how it will all get worse before it gets better.

You find yourself on rocky territory, really quite isolated, where you challenge yourself on the level of dissatisfaction of your marriage and whether its disintegration was really worth all this uncertainty and fear. 

Those that have been there tell you it will be worth it, but it is a journey as yet unchartered and it’s something you simply have to undertake once the decision has been made.

Marriages fall apart for a myriad of reasons.  Irritation, frustration and feelings of suffocation are endured, perhaps on both sides, for so long that they become habit and the union is possibly nothing more than a charade.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for the others who directly benefit from it.  Where other parties are involved, they’d quite prefer the status quo.  Their world is considerably shaken when a partnership is no longer what it was, but, like it or not, they will have to adjust.

It may have been many years coming to this point.  No one leaves such a long-standing commitment without a great deal of thought and consideration and courage.   Little do they know how much longer they will have to be brave for, how much strength will be required to stand firmly by their feelings and how many changes will actually take place.

One of the most surprising things about a split is how sharply and quickly your credit rating plummets.  Where one was once considered of suffice standing for any manner of affairs, one suddenly finds one is not.     

Those that matter support you and others who thought you worthy anyhow come out of the woodwork to do so too. 

You find yourself in new relationships, more meaningful ones.  They are not necessarily easier, but, at least they are, mainly, solid and sincere.

There are those who will come into the fray merely to exploit your temporary vulnerability and a crisis of confidence will naturally occur.  Your newly honed instincts should soon see them off for what they are.

You will have to face the party from whom you have chosen to distance yourself and they will now show their colours for all to see.

If they wanted to remain in the marriage for the right reasons, they may choose to act with humility and exercise reasonable negotiations, for which they will earn themselves some sympathy and your credit rating will be questioned, but not too badly damaged.  This is where the measure of sentiment can make all the difference in the world.

If they are the clever sort – quietly controlling behind the scenes of an externally presented picture perfect – and, despite their best efforts, you have slipped out of their narcissistic remit, they will behave in a way that –predictably – takes no responsibility whatsoever for the breakdown.  They will publicly point fingers, laying blame at anyone’s door but their own.  Your credit rating will swiftly become negative.  No-one likes nastiness.

A break-up always affects more people than those instigating it realise.  They are just doing what they think is the right thing and even though they may be worse off initially and unexpected changes will surface daily, their belief in themselves and their inherent decency means their credit rating can recover.      

It is those around them that matter.  There are those who come forward because they are now free from their previous situation.  What was once awkward or impossible becomes marvellous opportunity.  Plus, there are those who have always stood firm and, perhaps most valuable of all, there are those with experience who can guide the way.    

It may take more time than one envisaged at the start of this new direction, but eventually, despite the perils of Divorce, everyone finds their feet and, most cases, wouldn't look back!

(In this instance, I voted to Remain in the Union, but it was me who wanted to Leave my actual marriage and I'm finding it interesting to see the parallels in the pattern emerging of this metaphoric one.  I identify completely with the chaos that has ensued since the decision to split was announced and might feel inclinced to continue to comment accordingly, so that the many lessons learned can be put to some use!).

Anya XX    

4 comments:

  1. I keep wondering if I should buy some of the daily papers at the moment - to show the kids just how crazy we all were when they were young - that people really can cause change (for better or worse) - and that history really can be interesting, despite what the crusty teacher at school might make you think.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's probably a great idea Jonathan. They'll be worth something some day because they're real history!

      Delete
  2. What a great post Anya. It's all so true. I hope the analogy continues and that the UK comes out the other end, eventually, in a better place - like many of my friends who have left unhappy marriages.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Rachel. I really hope so too! xx

      Delete