12 April 2012


I'm always banging on about other Bloggers' blogs but there' a great deal to be said for them and I love the community to which I now belong. 

Polly at the smashing Caught Writing - has tagged me on something it is quite painful for me to discuss - there are answers I think I should say and those I'm thinking underneath, but don't like to voice. 

It's now 10pm. The kids are only just down after trying my patience for the best part of the Easter Holidays. I am struggling with their fighting, am behind with everyone and everything and my blog has been the last thing to get my attention, but now bloody mindedness has set in, so here we are.

Polly writes her Q & A HERE, with a guarantee of 'warm and fuzzy feelings' for those of us she has passed this on to.  I very much doubt if there are any near the surface, but let's see what's lurking in the deep!

Describe Motherhood in three words:

[Thinks: Really hard work.  And perhaps I'm not in the right frame of mind to do this now!]

Says: I'm very lucky.

My babies came (naturally) when I was 41 and 45.

Does your experience differ from your mother’s? How?

[Thinks: My mother's possibly going to read this - be very careful what you say.].

Says: It's uncannily similar - both unexpectedly became single mums, both isolated from our families, neither of our exes behaved properly.  Fortunately, I am treated better by the State and Society.  My children do not suffer the same sense of shame my younger sister and I were forced to forty years ago.

What’s the hardest thing about being a mum?

[Thinks - Apart from getting up in the morning?]

Says: Having no family around me, friends miles away where I have moved around a fair bit.  My childrens' lives being limited without that extended network of Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and some of my best friends' children already being grown up.  i.e. Being alone with it all.

What’s the best thing?

[Thinks - Being alone with it all!].

Says: I don't think Nature intended us to tackle this child rearing business alone - hence, as I always say, there's a reason it takes two to make a baby.  It is utterly exhausting and not, I believe, in the childrens' best interests in the long run.  I am happy to make all the decisions and, even though I am now ensconced in a wonderfully supportive partnership, from which the boys benefit immensely, the buck always stops with me, but, any credit to be taken - and there's plenty - also stops at my door!

How has it changed you?

[Thinks: I'm a wreck.].

Says: I've found my backbone, have become less houseproud, less efficient, less bothered about everything, except my little Angels (ahem). I love them. My whole world revolves around them. I have a happiness, fulfillment and contenment I have never known.  We belong together, we're a unit - all alien to me. I hum for Heavens' sake! But. I swear. They. Will. Be. The. Death. Of. Me.

What do you hope for your children?

[Thinks: Everything!].

Says: I want them to be faithful to themselves, to listen to their inner voice, to be happy and fulfilled and in loving relationships to give me grandchildren as early as physically possible, to be well educated, to reach their potential, to have nice holidays / travel, to be blessed with fantastic physical health and maintain a postive mental outlook all their lives, to trust themselves, have self-belief and bat off any third party would-be-injurers in a way I am seemingly incapable of.

What do you fear for them?

[Thinks: Everything!]

Says: I try to enjoy them, really I do, but, being ancient when they finally came, I do worry about not being here for them, about being too tired and grumpy for them, any of us getting ill, bullies at school and in life in general, their lack of freedom in this day and age and, lately, the decreasing amount of humour allowed in an increasing number of walks of life. It's not normal. It's stifling. I want them to be happy.

What makes it all worthwhile?

[Thinks: Sleeping through the night.]

Says: Knowing I am very blessed to have them at all. Being loved back so fearlessly, honestly (again - an alien concept) and, despite my massive imperfections as a mother, totally unconditionally. Being with them every minute of every day. Which. Also. Drives. Me. Mad!  


I am tagging two women (both, coincidentally, authors and mothers of sons) who seem to enjoy a rather more special relationship with their mums than I am able to with mine and are thus much more prone to the warm and fuzzy stuff promised at the outset of this!

[I admit it though - some did rather start to seep through, naturally and I'm going to bed in a far better mood than when I started out tonight!]. 

Sarah Hague St. Bloggie de Riviere

Amanda Egan Mummy Misfit

I am also including Kate Takes 5 on the off chance she can invent yet another Listography of hers and Stay at Home Dad and Proud in case he feels like starting up a Fatherhood Meme of his own.

Anybody else who fancies it is welcome to join in!