Oh She's a Beautiful Mama.

When times get rough, it's good to hold your children closer than usual.

When you're a single parent riding the storms of family pressures, those times are fairly frequent and, lately, I've been holding mine very close indeed because it's so very healing.

I don't feel anything like a Beautiful Mama, I feel much more like a Bedraggled one, but the very kind Luci from mother.wife.me. begs to differ and has awarded me this:

*Blushes*

It's a little while since we've had one of these babies and how lovely it is, thank you Luci.

I'm to - Save the image and use it my acceptance post
            List three things I love about motherhood
            Nominate other deserving Blogging Mamas and let them know I've done so.

To be honest, this was really hard work!  It made me think and appreciate motherhood more, to stand back a bit and take more notice of the nicer elements, rather than be caught up in the humdrum of daily activity counting down the hours until bedtime and I even learned to sit with my children more for a breather, as opposed to trying to escape them by staying in the loo longer than necessary, despite the fact they still never leave me alone in there anyhow.

So, the comfort derived merely from the physicality of their presence and their unpouring of love displayed by constantly plonking themselves on me and making the most of that while they're little, would be the first thing on this list.

The second would be the passing on of some traditions from my own childhood, such as the decorating of boiled eggs this Easter Sunday - with their own added twist, naturally!

Nice Butt?!

The third thing I'm presently loving about motherhood is the pride and joy of hearing my eldest read books to his little brother, that I used to read to him.  Even though he has moved on to Harry Potter and Roald Dahl (to the extent the latter has added a whole new dimension of yuckiness to our conversations!) the thoughtfulness with which he passes on that enjoyment, taking that time and making that effort to share stories he now finds 'too baby-ish' makes my heart swell and gives me butterflies.

This has been a good exercise so I'm happily passing on the blogging baton to some other ladies who are Beautiful Mamas both inside and out:

Sarah, the gorgeous Grenglish
Ruth, the delightful dorkymum
And, last but she could never, ever be least, Kate, the wonderful WitWitWoo.

Unsophisticated Chaos and Madness.

There are many things people don't warn you about before you become a parent.  These things are like Secrets of State.


Stuff you simply wouldn't believe possible of yourself pre- children:


1)  How many sausages you'll end up eating, mainly because the children love them and you can't be bothered to cook anything different for everybody else.

2) Your tolerance level of Hell adjusts itself daily. Accordingly, it will be you who regularly and insistently drags the others to Indoor Play places, not vice versa.  They'll be sick of them, but there's nowhere else you can just sit on your behind and they can run themselves ragged without you turning a hair.   

3)  You discover that there is such a thing as six O'Clock on a Sunday morning - it's the children's favourite time of the week.  They save their lie-ins for schooldays.  It's a law.

4)  When someone comes hurtling at you with their lips pursed and their eyes crossed for a big fat kiss - as long as it's not the old bloke who mutters to himself round the local shops - you will be the one giggling helplessly and begging 'Again!'

5)  Sometimes, you really do contemplate just walking out of the house, leaving them behind to get on with - by all intents and purposes what seems to be - their business of trying to maim one another. 

6)  The only Champagne breakfasts you're brought nowadays are the 'pretend' ones your son brings you from his toy kitchen.

7)  Doing a jigsaw with your little ones can involve losing the will to live at least three times over.

8)  Despite the assertions of one of my favourite finds and great gift that is the Knackered Mothers' Wine Club blog, no matter how hard you try, there really isn't a glass of wine that feels right with baked beans (see no. 1).

My life has not remained anywhere near as sophisticated as I imagined it might. Has yours?

Those days are gone - in more ways than one!

Motherhood?

I'm always banging on about other Bloggers' blogs but there' a great deal to be said for them and I love the community to which I now belong. 

Polly at the smashing Caught Writing - has tagged me on something it is quite painful for me to discuss - there are answers I think I should say and those I'm thinking underneath, but don't like to voice. 

It's now 10pm. The kids are only just down after trying my patience for the best part of the Easter Holidays. I am struggling with their fighting, am behind with everyone and everything and my blog has been the last thing to get my attention, but now bloody mindedness has set in, so here we are.

Polly writes her Q & A HERE, with a guarantee of 'warm and fuzzy feelings' for those of us she has passed this on to.  I very much doubt if there are any near the surface, but let's see what's lurking in the deep!


Describe Motherhood in three words:

[Thinks: Really hard work.  And perhaps I'm not in the right frame of mind to do this now!]

Says: I'm very lucky.

My babies came (naturally) when I was 41 and 45.

Does your experience differ from your mother’s? How?

[Thinks: My mother's possibly going to read this - be very careful what you say.].

Says: It's uncannily similar - both unexpectedly became single mums, both isolated from our families, neither of our exes behaved properly.  Fortunately, I am treated better by the State and Society.  My children do not suffer the same sense of shame my younger sister and I were forced to forty years ago.

What’s the hardest thing about being a mum?

[Thinks - Apart from getting up in the morning?]

Says: Having no family around me, friends miles away where I have moved around a fair bit.  My childrens' lives being limited without that extended network of Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and some of my best friends' children already being grown up.  i.e. Being alone with it all.


What’s the best thing?

[Thinks - Being alone with it all!].

Says: I don't think Nature intended us to tackle this child rearing business alone - hence, as I always say, there's a reason it takes two to make a baby.  It is utterly exhausting and not, I believe, in the childrens' best interests in the long run.  I am happy to make all the decisions and, even though I am now ensconced in a wonderfully supportive partnership, from which the boys benefit immensely, the buck always stops with me, but, any credit to be taken - and there's plenty - also stops at my door!

How has it changed you?

[Thinks: I'm a wreck.].

Says: I've found my backbone, have become less houseproud, less efficient, less bothered about everything, except my little Angels (ahem). I love them. My whole world revolves around them. I have a happiness, fulfillment and contenment I have never known.  We belong together, we're a unit - all alien to me. I hum for Heavens' sake! But. I swear. They. Will. Be. The. Death. Of. Me.


What do you hope for your children?

[Thinks: Everything!].

Says: I want them to be faithful to themselves, to listen to their inner voice, to be happy and fulfilled and in loving relationships to give me grandchildren as early as physically possible, to be well educated, to reach their potential, to have nice holidays / travel, to be blessed with fantastic physical health and maintain a postive mental outlook all their lives, to trust themselves, have self-belief and bat off any third party would-be-injurers in a way I am seemingly incapable of.


What do you fear for them?

[Thinks: Everything!]

Says: I try to enjoy them, really I do, but, being ancient when they finally came, I do worry about not being here for them, about being too tired and grumpy for them, any of us getting ill, bullies at school and in life in general, their lack of freedom in this day and age and, lately, the decreasing amount of humour allowed in an increasing number of walks of life. It's not normal. It's stifling. I want them to be happy.


What makes it all worthwhile?

[Thinks: Sleeping through the night.]

Says: Knowing I am very blessed to have them at all. Being loved back so fearlessly, honestly (again - an alien concept) and, despite my massive imperfections as a mother, totally unconditionally. Being with them every minute of every day. Which. Also. Drives. Me. Mad!  

Tagging:

I am tagging two women (both, coincidentally, authors and mothers of sons) who seem to enjoy a rather more special relationship with their mums than I am able to with mine and are thus much more prone to the warm and fuzzy stuff promised at the outset of this!

[I admit it though - some did rather start to seep through, naturally and I'm going to bed in a far better mood than when I started out tonight!]. 

Sarah Hague St. Bloggie de Riviere

Amanda Egan Mummy Misfit

I am also including Kate Takes 5 on the off chance she can invent yet another Listography of hers and Stay at Home Dad and Proud in case he feels like starting up a Fatherhood Meme of his own.

Anybody else who fancies it is welcome to join in!