8 October 2014

Concussion Update.

After I published this yesterday afternoon, I re-wrote it in a completely different light.  This must be one of those cathartic posts that people talk about because I felt much better just writing it all out. Told you I wasn't right, didn't I?!

Here's the new version - a bit like me - the same, but different.

It's not every day you find yourself popping off for a brain scan, but, last week, there I was, sat in the hospital waiting room wondering what what might or might not turn up in the one I was about to undertake.

It was worrying - a no-win situation.  If they discover something they can label after me banging on for over a year now about how I'm still not right since the little one accidentally caught me on the side of the head with the edge of his Badminton Racquet in full flow, then that will be devastating. But if they don't discover anything that can identify and explain what's only presently being referred to as post-concussion syndrome or trauma, it's probably preferable, but still not ideal.

Not feeling right doesn't mean I want something to be wrong, if you get my drift.

It'll be back to square one with the GP, even though I'm barely any further down the line with her anyway.  She has tested my reflexes for signs of a different kind of stroke, suggested anti-depressants and eventually brought me appointments with an eye specialist, a neurologist and now this lovely MRI, mostly to rule things out, rather than to actually help.

The lovely now genuinely late Patrick Swayze.
All progress has been made by my own volition.  Being able to see the top half of my body out to the left of me, proved to be a brilliant incentive!  It reminded me of the film 'Ghost,' when Patrick Swayze's character is knocked to the ground by a robber who he's seen running off after, but his physical body lays down on the ground still, dead. It was really rather disturbing to experience something so close to that kind of thing myself.
Fortunately, though, being into all stuff natural medicine, I've been blessed with all kind of help from people I already knew.  A local Osteopath assisted me me to get properly back into my body within a couple of sessions, although I still don't feel 100% there yet and another Cranial Osteopath has greatly reduced the feeling that my head was about four times the size it should be and also soothed my shredded nerves.

Acupuncture has really made a difference with the anxiety induced by all this too, as well as helping to harness everything else, especially the weirdest thing  - which is a severe sort of electrical buzzing at the point of impact on the side of my head.  This is triggered by dehydration or stress and is usually at its worst when the kids are giving me the runaround, especially at their bedtime.  The couple of sessions I've had have had a massive impact on that, but it still occurs somewhat. Heaven knows how it works, but it truly does!

My hormones are up the shoot too, with an instant kind of menopause.  Although that is relevant to my age, it's certainly not the natural course events would take.

Less convenient has been another sudden and dramatic effect - on my eyesight.  Again, this could be attributed to me getting on a bit and the general consensus among the professionals is that the bash on the head has basically speeded up the process, but I'm not convinced.  I could read my texts on the day it happened, but not the day after and the prescription on my reading glasses increased a great deal at once.

I can't think like I could, can't do what I could and I now have to pace myself in what would previously be an unrecognizable fashion!  People give me quizzical looks during conversation - they know I am different.  I know I am different.  I am slower.  So, the same, but different.

But the main thing is that I am still alive! The dizziness and fainting that only came on after a month when carrying shopping or being really tired seems to have passed and I can drive for longer spells, so, generally speaking, things (apart from my Bank balance) are looking up.

I've found a new 'normal,' discovered that sitting still can be boon - it really makes a difference, as does real quiet - and appreciate that, on the whole, I am otherwise well and happy, so can cope.

Settling down for this scan, however, forced me to focus on the situation for the first time in quite a while.  As time has gone on and treatments have brought gradual improvements, it has been increasingly possible to put it to the back of my mind.  And it occurs to me now, that, whilst wondering what will happen if they find something and what will happen if they don't, perhaps, I'm actually already winning?!

Do you or does anyone you know have any experience of concussion / post concussion trauma?