8 October 2014

Concussion Update.

After I published this yesterday afternoon, I re-wrote it in a completely different light.  This must be one of those cathartic posts that people talk about because I felt much better just writing it all out. Told you I wasn't right, didn't I?!

Here's the new version - a bit like me - the same, but different.

It's not every day you find yourself popping off for a brain scan, but, last week, there I was, sat in the hospital waiting room wondering what what might or might not turn up in the one I was about to undertake.

It was worrying - a no-win situation.  If they discover something they can label after me banging on for over a year now about how I'm still not right since the little one accidentally caught me on the side of the head with the edge of his Badminton Racquet in full flow, then that will be devastating. But if they don't discover anything that can identify and explain what's only presently being referred to as post-concussion syndrome or trauma, it's probably preferable, but still not ideal.

Not feeling right doesn't mean I want something to be wrong, if you get my drift.

It'll be back to square one with the GP, even though I'm barely any further down the line with her anyway.  She has tested my reflexes for signs of a different kind of stroke, suggested anti-depressants and eventually brought me appointments with an eye specialist, a neurologist and now this lovely MRI, mostly to rule things out, rather than to actually help.

The lovely now genuinely late Patrick Swayze.
All progress has been made by my own volition.  Being able to see the top half of my body out to the left of me, proved to be a brilliant incentive!  It reminded me of the film 'Ghost,' when Patrick Swayze's character is knocked to the ground by a robber who he's seen running off after, but his physical body lays down on the ground still, dead. It was really rather disturbing to experience something so close to that kind of thing myself.
    
Fortunately, though, being into all stuff natural medicine, I've been blessed with all kind of help from people I already knew.  A local Osteopath assisted me me to get properly back into my body within a couple of sessions, although I still don't feel 100% there yet and another Cranial Osteopath has greatly reduced the feeling that my head was about four times the size it should be and also soothed my shredded nerves.

Acupuncture has really made a difference with the anxiety induced by all this too, as well as helping to harness everything else, especially the weirdest thing  - which is a severe sort of electrical buzzing at the point of impact on the side of my head.  This is triggered by dehydration or stress and is usually at its worst when the kids are giving me the runaround, especially at their bedtime.  The couple of sessions I've had have had a massive impact on that, but it still occurs somewhat. Heaven knows how it works, but it truly does!

My hormones are up the shoot too, with an instant kind of menopause.  Although that is relevant to my age, it's certainly not the natural course events would take.

Less convenient has been another sudden and dramatic effect - on my eyesight.  Again, this could be attributed to me getting on a bit and the general consensus among the professionals is that the bash on the head has basically speeded up the process, but I'm not convinced.  I could read my texts on the day it happened, but not the day after and the prescription on my reading glasses increased a great deal at once.

I can't think like I could, can't do what I could and I now have to pace myself in what would previously be an unrecognizable fashion!  People give me quizzical looks during conversation - they know I am different.  I know I am different.  I am slower.  So, the same, but different.

But the main thing is that I am still alive! The dizziness and fainting that only came on after a month when carrying shopping or being really tired seems to have passed and I can drive for longer spells, so, generally speaking, things (apart from my Bank balance) are looking up.

I've found a new 'normal,' discovered that sitting still can be boon - it really makes a difference, as does real quiet - and appreciate that, on the whole, I am otherwise well and happy, so can cope.

Settling down for this scan, however, forced me to focus on the situation for the first time in quite a while.  As time has gone on and treatments have brought gradual improvements, it has been increasingly possible to put it to the back of my mind.  And it occurs to me now, that, whilst wondering what will happen if they find something and what will happen if they don't, perhaps, I'm actually already winning?!

Do you or does anyone you know have any experience of concussion / post concussion trauma?

25 comments:

  1. Sending you lots of good vibes and big hugs Anya. It has been a long time you've been affected by this so I'm glad you're getting it investigated more, though I know that can be a very scary path to be on. Really glad to hear that things are looking up now.

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  2. When do you get the results of your scan?
    Such a worry as you don't know which symptoms could be related to the accident and which are just coincidental.

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    1. They said a couple of weeks Trish. The accident seems to have speeded up the inevitable, but I'd rather it hadn't!

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  3. I hope the scan wasn't too traumatic and the results don't take too long. I am sorry this is what's happening to you/how you are feeling. Glad to hear you being so positive xx

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    1. The scan was fine in itself Joy, thank you. It was the worrying that was the hard part, but we all know what a waste of time and energy that is. Thank you for your support xx

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  4. I hope you get some good new soon Anya. Lots of love, Emma xx

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  5. I think I have mentioned to you before, middle child suffered many concessions during her years of playing soccer. At one point her eye glass prescription changed from farsighted to nearsighted and back again to farsighted (over a period of 1.5 yrs). The eye doctor attributed it to the concessions. They are nasty things. We need to do more not only to protect ourselves, but our children. Far too often are kids are not diagnosed soon enough, or even if they are, they are sent back on rink/pitch to soon.

    It is good to hear you have adjusted to the 'new normal' though sad at the same time. Hugs

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    1. Thank you Catherine - and yes, you have mentioned it but I'm always grateful to be reminded and reassured that I'm not being daft. It feels like quite a serious problem but I don't get that acknowledgement from our mainstream medical professionals or from looking like everything is normal from the outside every day point of view. I would go so far as to say that the Alternative Practitioners have saved my life, if not the quality of it and I agree there needs to be more awareness. Thank you for your kind comments, as always xx

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  6. I am so glad you are seeing the brighter outlook on it now. So sorry that you have to now pace yourself. But sometimes pacing yourself is something we all deal with (mine due to I don't know what, either iodine, or iron, or ME, I don't know). I hope they find whatever they are meant to find, and I hope you continue to put it behind you. So sorry it happened. Glad that people can see you are the same, but different. They won't mind, you're still gorgeous no matter how your head is ;-) and no matter how many sandwiches short of a picnic you are your boys adore you. I am jesting now, before you put this comment in spam. Can't help being silly after that tweet you sent about me accusing you of being drunk ha ha! Glad to see your Butlins video is up to 10k views now and 28 likes. Well done. Keep on keeping on, and look after you xxxx

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    1. Thank you Liska! I'm sorry that you are struggling too and hope you get the same kind of help being a sensitive sort too. I am definitely a few sandwiches shorter of a picnic than I was but blag it best I can ;) and the boys adore me far less for being more anxious and impatient, but, again, that's improving, so there's hope for us all yet! Thanks for the info on the butlins video - I had no idea! That's encouraging and I shall take your advice to keep on keeping on. Do let me know if I can help with your concerns too XX

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  7. In a way it would be better to find nothing and have things steadily improve as they have been doing albeit slowly. I wish you a good outcome whichever way it goes. xxx

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    1. I agree Rachel, thank you. It's easier to think about it having written it all down and thank you for your good wishes :)) xx

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  8. I'm horrified to hear that you're still suffering. I hope you do get a diagnosis because at least if they know what it is there's more chance they can tackle it. Keep us updated, my dear.

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    1. Thank you Anna. I try not to harp on about it, but it's there. I hope something useful turns up too xx

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  9. I'm crossing everything for the results of the scan and pleased to hear you are getting lots of really effective treatments done in the meantime. I agree with Midlife Singlemum - that there be nothing found and things improve gradually. Much love to you wonderful friend. XXX

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    1. Thank you Sarah. You're more aware than most of the real impact and I appreciate your continued support, thank you my dear friend xxx

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  10. I remember reading about the unfortunate incident with the badminton racquet a while ago but I had no idea that the consequences had been so long lasting. Knowing something is wrong but not knowing what it is, is very hard. Good for you for pushing to find the answers and I hope you get to the the bottom of it and start to feel better soon. Much love. xxx

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  11. Oh hun, I had no idea how much of an impact this was having on you after all this time! I hope that the scan is negative and that you continue to improve each and every day. I've always believed that stress can cause lots of weird and wonderful symptoms and know that I've often felt unwell when life has been difficult. I've learnt that anything that makes life less stressful is always a good thing.
    Hope you feel better soon x

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  12. oh sweetie, hope the results give you some answers x x x

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  13. It is a good thing that you can find positive things in this whole situation, I am sure it helps. I hope that the scan will bring some answers. Hugs. xx

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